With Open Hearts and Shared Hands: What Our Marriage Taught Me about Partnership and Parenthood

My husband, Kevin, and I have been married for four years now, but our journey together spans a decade. Looking back, I feel incredibly grateful for a relationship that has always felt like a true partnership. From the very beginning and even when we were still dating, there was no struggle for power, no need to prove who was stronger or more capable. Kevin recognized and respected the strength I brought into the relationship, and I did the same for him. It was never about one leading and the other following; we have always walked side by side.

But as anyone in a long-term relationship knows, marriage introduces new dynamics. And for us, the biggest shift came when we became parents.

Growing up, I was surrounded by images of women as the primary caregivers; the selfless mothers who seemed to naturally carry the bulk of the parenting load. And while I admired them deeply, I also quietly feared whether I could live up to that standard. Could I be a “good” mother and still hold on to who I am?

What made all the difference was my husband’s commitment to being an equal parent. After giving birth, when I was still recovering and learning how to navigate this new world, he was right there: giving baths, bottle-feeding our baby with my expressed milk, waking up at night as I pumped, and staying up with me without being asked. It was never a question of helping me, it was always, “What do we need to do?”

That experience changed me. It deepened my understanding that shared responsibility is not only possible, it’s powerful. Parenthood became an extension of the equality we’ve always had in our relationship. We are both caregivers. We are both providers. We are both figuring it out together.

And here’s something else we’ve long tossed out the window: gender roles in household chores. In our home, the division of labor is based not on expectations, but on strengths. Kevin is naturally more meticulous, he does the cooking, the washing, the budgeting, and all the little things that keep the household running. Me? Well, I bring... great moral support. Haha. My strengths in the household chores are still being discovered so stay tuned!

This kind of partnership is not just about love: it’s about respect. It’s about rewriting old narratives that say caregiving is only a woman’s job, or that leadership in the household belongs to the man. Our marriage is a daily practice of mutual respect, open communication, and conscious decision-making. And while we are not perfect, we are committed.

What I’ve learned is that healthy relationships are not defined by who sacrifices more, but by how well we support each other. It’s in the small, quiet moments, midnight feedings, shared responsibilities, honest conversations where the strongest foundations are built.

Now, our teamwork has expanded far beyond parenting. Managing finances, pursuing careers, facing the pressure of adulting; it’s all shared. There were rough patches but what pulled us through was our commitment to show up. For each other. For our child. For ourselves.

And if I’m being real, my job isn’t exactly your usual 8-to-5. It involves travel, weekend events, nighttime meetings, and sometimes more out-of-office days than in-office ones. Sometimes, I joke that our house is just my hotel with very strict check-in policies and a resident toddler with no chill. But even in the chaos, my husband holds the fort.

When I’m away, he’s home. He cooks, cares, cuddles, and manages bedtime routines like a pro. He doesn’t “babysit”, he parents. And he does so with grace and strength that humbles me.

And when he’s away, I’m home. I step in, hold the fort, and keep our little one in check. We’ve built a rhythm of taking turns, of showing up when the other can’t, and of trusting that whoever is home has it covered. It’s not about whose job it is; it’s about being there for our family, whenever and however we can. (Except cooking and doing the laundry... I wait for him to come home. We all have our limits. Haha!)

In a world that still often tells women to stay home and men to stay strong, my husband flips the script. He’s a proof that masculinity isn’t threatened by caregiving but strengthened by compassion.

Chasing a career while parenting a toddler is no small feat. There are days when the guilt creeps in, when exhaustion takes over, and when I wonder if I’m doing enough in either role. But what gives me the courage to keep going is knowing that I have a partner who doesn’t just supports me: he champions me. Kevin doesn’t see my ambition as a threat to our family life; he sees it as part of who I am. He celebrates my wins, holds space for my failures, and reminds me that I can be both a loving mother and a driven professional. With him by my side, I’m not just balancing -- it feels like I’m thriving. And that, to me, is the kind of partnership that makes anything possible.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in these ten years, it’s this: Real partnership isn’t about splitting everything 50/50—it’s about giving 100% when the other can’t. It’s about laughter, sacrifice, switching roles without losing respect, and redefining what it means to be a strong couple, strong parents, and strong individuals.

And sometimes, yes, it’s about being okay with living out of your suitcase while your husband keeps your toddler from drawing on the walls. That’s love, too.

To my husband, Kevin—thank you for being my partner in all things. Your love, patience, and presence make this journey beautiful. This story is ours, and I’m proud to live it with you every day.

By Sheema B. Bajana-Samson